The Blah Blah book lives under the triage desk.
In it we record some of the more amusing and comical moments that, like duct tape, help hold our department together. Many of these incidents involve a simple breakdown in communications, erroneous notations, and misunderstandings. They all go to show that no matter which end of the stethoscope we abide on, we are all prone to acting first and engaging our brains later.
  The following selection of oddments have actually taken place in our ED …only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

• Triage nurse was overheard to pronounce that “the shift co-ordinator has successfully bedded all the males in the hospital”.
• Phone call from a GP to the ED registrar requesting a second opinion on …”a 37 year old lady who is 33 weeks pregnant. She is experiencing abdominal pain occurring every 10 minutes associated with abdominal rigidity”……Hmmm
• Man representing to the ED with constant abdominal pains. When asked by the triage nurse if the Panadine Forte that he had been given on his last visit two days ago had helped stated….” No, I’ve only taken two….The nurse told me to take two tablets every forty-six hours!” (I hope we actually may have said 4 to 6 hours)
• Patient with longstanding cardiac history tells doctor…”I like to smoke, it helps me breathe.”
• Team Leader wrote in notes:…..”pt not to be discarded until reviewed”
• Clerical notes…”patient presents with air in his left lung.”
• ditto..” patient has inflated gums”
• Phone call to triage nurse…” we have an emergency…our plumbing’s burst and waters leaking everywhere “
• Man in his thirties presents to triage stating that he has worms…but more importantly that he has ” a really hairy arse”, and could we wax it for him? When told that this was not one of the services we offered he became most angry stating that his GP had done it on many occasions!
• Pt presents to triage with an allergic reaction….” last time I came in they nearly had to incubate me.”
• Paramedics radio in that they are bringing in a 43 year old lady with a 120 meter laceration to her forehead.
• patient rings triage nurse and states that he was too sick to come into hospital today so could he make an appointment for tomorrow?
• Man presents to triage desk asking to be let in to see his wife…”she has come in for an autopsy”
• Patient with a? #C3 (broken neck) after a skiing mishap told to come to TCH for review…presents after hitch hiking from the snowy mountains with a stiff neck collar on as he didn’t have a car.
• Doctors notes… “deep laceration to her finger from a baked bean”
• Letter from GP….”Mrs **** is a mother of one child who is 4 years old. This has apparently been going on for some time.”
• Patient presents to triage desk…” can you tell me how to find the Anthropology department?” Triage: “umm…this is a hospital are you shure you mean anthropology?”
  Patient: “my dear girl, you obviously don’t know what anthropology means…it is the proper name for the cancer ward.”
  Triage: “no, I didn’t know that. Perhaps you mean the oncology ward.”
  Patient: “well I will try there…but im sure you’re wrong.”
• Nurse calls in a Mrs Smith from the waiting room, and takes her and her male companion down to a cubicle…she is asked to take all her clothes off and change into a hospital gown so that the doctor can examine her. 10 minutes later the nurse returns to find her changed and lying on the bed….her companion sitting beside her then states “and when will I be seen?”
  Nurse “aren’t you her partner?”
  Man: “no…I’ve never seen her before… Im Mr Smith and I have a cut finger”
• 20 year old presents via ambulance after falling from his trail bike. He has all the protection on including shin pads, kneepads, kidney protectors….as one of our nurses deftly pulls his pants off, she remarks to him…”my, you are well equipped!”