Stethoscopes, (aka guessing tubes), or just scopes. Some of us wear them in our pockets or on our hips in nifty little holster thingies that we bought at that last conference.
But most of us wear them around our necks.
Thats how I roll. Its just so…..well, medical.
But the problem is that the ear pieces are just like two hooks hanging down across your chest. They remind me of those ‘grabber claws’ in the arcade games where you try to pick up a stuffed Bart Simpson doll from a pile of tightly stuffed toys.
Only the stetho-hook is no game of chance. It will grab the most unlikely object at the most improbable time.
Here are a few examples of common stetho-hook snagups (I am sure you can add more from your own repertoire):
Scrubs centrifugal spindrift Two nurses walking past each other at high speed. Stethoscope of one nurse snags in the arm hole of the others scrubs propelling both into a 180 degree spin and sending them both back along their original trajectories.
Extra rare: Nurses continue on original trajectories. Instead, stethoscope flips across, seamlessly transferring from one nurses neck to the other.
Tearoom liftoff: You are sitting down next to your colleague for lunch. You get up to grab yourself a brew. Your scope snags the scrub top of your colleague lifting it up over their head.
Extra rare: well the tearoom liftoff is extra rare in itself.
How often do you and a colleague get to go to lunch at the same time?
Monkeys in a Barrel. when you and one of your colleagues have been leaning in close to the patient, you both go to straighten up only to find you are linked together by your stethoscopes. Just like the children’s game, monkeys in a barrel.
Extra rare: the triple link-up. Nurse-doctor-nurse
Stainless steel slingshot: You are helping the patient move up the bed. As they lean back, their oxygen mask elastic snags on your scope only to release the mask like a slingshot to the face as they reach the fully recumbent position.
Extra rare: Mask stays in place, stethoscope slingshots off you neck and into patients face.
Trepanation touchdown: Unbeknown to you, earpieces fall off stethoscope whilst you are being violently shaken by an intoxicated patient. As you finally manage to listen to his breath sounds, the uncapped ends, slice their way up your ear canals hooking against each side of your amygdala, not unlike a claw on a Bart Simpson doll.
Police Peel-off: you are pulled over for speeding on your way home (basically, because your bladder is pressing down on the accelerator).
You think you might be able to get out of a ticket when the cop sees the stethoscope you have strategically left around you neck in case of just such an event.
But the scope snagged against the car door frame as you got in, got jammed in the door, and hooked a large traffic cone as you drove out of the hospital, dragging it up the street beside you.
Extra rare: cop notes you are a nurse anyway and lets you off.