Article in today’s paper about a male nurse who was asked to move away from a 10 year old girl during a flight.
Daniel McCluskie, 31 years old, is a senior nurse at the local health district in Wagga Wagga.
The incident occurred in June during a flight to Sydney.
Following the safety demonstration Daniel was asked to swap seats with a woman on the other side of the aisle.
Later he asked why the had been moved and was told it was Qantas policy not to have men sit next to unaccompanied children.
There were people that looked during the actual move, people looked at me or looked around because there was a bit of a ruckus at the back of the plane…
…After the plane had taken off, the air hostess thanked the woman that had moved but not me, which kind of hurt me or pissed me off a bit more because it appeared I was in the wrong, because it seemed I had this sign I couldn’t see above my head that said ‘child molester’ or ‘kiddie fiddler’ whereas she did the gracious thing and moved to protect the greater good of the child.I think it absolutely sucks; it’s totally and utterly discriminatory in my mind. It’s a complete and utter generalisation …
You don’t know who the person is and it’s highly unlikely [that a child will be harmed on a flight]. If a child is going to be harmed or hurt it’s probably going to be by someone closer to them than a stranger on a flight.
::SMH::
After ignoring several written complaints from Daniel, Qantas eventually got back to him with a “semi-sympathetic apology”.
A Qantas spokesman confirmed their policy, stating that it was consistent with other airlines around the world.
You can read Daniels whole story here.
My own experience:
I guess the reason this story resonates with me right now, is that I had a similar experience to Daniel just last week.
I was at a local playground with my 5 year old niece Sophie. There were maybe 20 kids going crazy all over the play equipment and the parents were all sitting around drinking take-away coffees and chatting. It was nice.
Then one little girl, oh maybe 4 years old fell off this ledge right in front of me. THUD.
She had fallen from about my shoulder hight flat onto her back onto the chipped bark ground.
There was a moment of stunned silence before she started screaming.
I had to crawl down under some of the equipment to get to her, by which time she was sitting up and just crying.
Checking her over, she seemed OK. Just a little shaken.
I looked around and although quite a few parents were watching nobody was coming over.
The girl was still crying hard so I sort of scooped her up and carried her out from under the equipment.
I was standing there holding her and she had her arms around me and I was brushing all this bark off her dress, when I suddenly became aware that some of these parents were watching me with an odd expression.
I guess they had intuited that I was not her father…it suddenly became all very uncomfortable.
I tried to put the girl down but she was only interested in hugging and crying.
Then dad appeared (I think he had been over in the take-away shop getting some coffees).
“What happened, what are you doing!” He was quite confrontational and stripped the girl from my arms.
I explained the situation to him and with a gruff “thankyou” he walked her away.
Perhaps he just felt bad that he had not been there when she fell. Perhaps I just look a little shifty.
But my feeling about the whole thing was that he thought I was up to no good.
And as I said, the scrutiny I was getting from the other parents whilst I was holding the girl was a little off putting.
It sort of spoilt the rest of the afternoon.
Although I thought I would totally empathise with parents in a situation like this….to be truthful, when this happened to me, I was pretty much…well…. pissed off.
And standing there, suddenly empty handed with everyone watching,….just a little humiliated.
Just like Daniel.
Would there have been the same reaction if I was a female?
I don’t really know….to me it seems just a bit sad if you cannot get close to a child without people thinking the worst.
What are your own thoughts on this?
This is kinda on the same vein as my husband’s problem……he would LOVE to work in childcare, and he’d be brilliant at it, but NOBODY will hire a male. Now, he is a 6’3, skinny weed of a man with red hair and freckles (and I hope he never reads that description, lol), but why does that mean he’d automatically be a child molester? It’s ridiculous!
I have a tribe of kids, work in the peadiatric area in our Dept, but outside of work I stay right away from anyone elses kids. I am polite and will speak to them if required, ie: friends of my kids visiting my home, but stay right away because it is just not worth the aggravation. I get funny looks because my daughter and I have a joke and a laugh when we go shopping – I think society needs to get a grip.
Children have died because males are too scared to intervene. There was a case in the UK where a childs drowning could have been prevented, had a delivery man (I think) who saw the child, intervened, the child later drowned in a pond.
It is a very sad state of affairs where the behaviour of a very small number of people, puts a whole gender on notice.
If my kid fell and I happened to not be there I’d want someone to help him, even if it was just a hug until I got there. Tell you what though, I’d be grateful, and probably annoyed at those who just sat and watched!
I totally agree! In both situations, both you/Daniel and the children were in plain view. I can see if someone got upset if a stranger took their kid to the bathroom or something, but this is 100% not the same.
Maybe if Dad would be a responsible parent and get the coffee beforehand or forego the coffee in order to supervise his daughter, the situation would never have been an issue to begin with. No way a 4 year old should be left alone at a playground! His actions were way more irresponsible than yours (by default, since yours weren’t irresponsible, but even taking it from his point of view where maybe you were irresponsible!?)
Ridiculous. I think people are suspicious where they shouldn’t be and ignore those closer to them that are actually a threat, as Daniel said.
Good for you for doing what you felt was right and helping a kid, regardless of how people looked at you. Don’t feel bad or like an outcast. You were showing your niece a good example.
Wow, im sorry about your experience, its really horrendous to think that a human might come to the assistance of a stranger when they were alone and needed someone .
It’s interesting (or upsetting) from our viewpoint as nurses where we see the people who are really injuring and damaging children, as was pointed out above most often by people close to them.
I think the pendulum has swung too far. Yes there was a lot of hidden child sexual abuse in the 50s, 60s, 70s, but these days everyone is too suspicious and fearful – almost paranoid. I also don’t think it’s good for children not to have the chance to develop any social skills or resilience in interacting with ‘strangers’ or adults other than their parents. When my kids (now teenagers) were little I actively encouraged them to chat with neighbours, shopkeepers and people we met in parks.I think that kind of social interaction is the glue of community.
Alas, I too, have had multiple frost-outs by parents in playgrounds. The last one occurred when I was pushing my daughter on a swing and a little kid appeared at the neighbouring swing, desperate to get up on it. There is only so much struggling I can endure to watch. Seemingly, no attached parent person around. I lifted the child up and on the swing and began gently pushing her. Both kids were having a ball. I was approached by a man who let me know that I should keep my hands off other people’s children!
This new way of “reading” the intentions of other people is distressing for two reasons: a) the open, public environment of a payground filled with adults and children is where safe communities are born and nurtured. This is where children take risks with their physical world and with their social world, with the benevolent eyes of their communal guardians. This is how we learn what “normal” is. and b) without a grounding in normal and safe social interactions with family, friends, acquaintances and strangers, children don’t have the measure of “safe”. They are actually increasingly at risk and more vulnerable. The point has been made that most sexual abuse is perpetrated by a person already known to the child.
A school teacher I know gave up teaching swimming because he was banned from touching the child during the lesson. You can’t teach swimming from the edge of the pool!! If these kids miss out on normal touch- how can they identify uncomfortable, abnormal, wrong touching and have the strong boundaries to know the difference.
The airline policy reflects moral panic and has nothing to contribute to building healthy communities for children.
In regards to the flight policy…it should be the job of the person allocating the seats BEFORE take off to get it right in the first intance. Then such an embarrassing situation wont arise in the first place.
About the child safety issue, I think in this day and age as a parent we are all very weary of who is around our children in public places. I think we all really just expect that our children have a ring of personal space around them that we don’t like anyone imposing. If that were my child, and it was a female who looked a little dodgy I would probably have the same response as it being a man. Its just a little inappropriate for anyone to hug or console a strangers child. The better thing to do would be to do your best to help find the parent instead with the kid on the ground.
Unfortunately its just the way our world is these days…
I think that both stories above are sad. As a woman I have been told to value equal rights, well the sad thing is that with all of the work from our fore fathers and mothers we still don’t have it. I think it is very sad that we think it is totally OK to discriminate against men and dress it up as a safety issue but if we tried that with women there would be a law suit on hand. How is it not OK to apply a stereotype to a person because of their race but because of their sex they automatically can be “dangerous” It’s sad and it shows us how little progress that we have made in equallity
Been there done that except that I am 150+kg so definitely much more likely to be a pedophile in most peoples eyes, except when I am working and they see me able to calm their upset child much better than them. Then I am a god. (maybe because I am able to be calm when trouble starts like most ED nurses and the kids respond to that). Luckily I usually have my wife with me when away from work and she too is pretty good at calming kids.
Surely they should look at the policy of a ten year old flying alone!
I’m divorced but have three grown up children from my past marriage who are 18+ years of age. That being said I do feel a sense of insecurity from other parents when males are around their kids. Perhaps studying Child & Adolescent Health this semester will help educate me on adults interacting with kids. I had no issues interacting with my own kids but I’m not too confident in interacting with other parents kids. One of my past nursing mates in who worked with ACT Disabilities said he didn’t feel secure working around kids either based on the fact that if something went wrong like a young client falling over it could be viewed by others as something suspicious happening. I never left my 3 – 4 year old children unsupervised when I took them out as too much can happen when you have your back turned…but that’s me. I wouldn’t feel bad Ian at least you were there for the child and if it was a medical emergency situation you be the best person on the scene in my opinion.
I think the policy is fair enough. you’re better safe than sorry when it comes to these things. i’m not a suspicious person and i always treat people fairly, but i’ve had patients completely surprise me with things (such as being a convicted pedophile). its sad that it has to be this way and innocent ppl are left feeling bad because of it… but everyone has to make sacrifices in this world and best that it be for the safety of children.
I respect your opinion but disagree. Children are more likely to be molested by someone they know i.e., family, close friend of the family, etc. For every Denis Ferguson out there, there are ten known child molesters. For all the stranger danger awareness campaigns of the 80s, many children were attacked by someone they knew and trusted and didn’t report it because the message was only a stranger is dangerous.
what does it matter whats more likely?
i’m aware that it occurs more often with ppl kids know… i’m just saying the policy is fine. maybe ppl should be more polite in general and this nurse who got asked to move wouldn’t have been so upset. i also think people should put asside their righteousness sometimes and consider the bigger picture
And what about the female child molesters? Do you think there are none?
there is research that does supports this. Research show that roughly 30% of abusers are female.
However the victims tend not to be beleived when they reveal that their abuser was female.
http://www.menshealthaustralia.net/content/95-of-abuse-of-juvenile-inmates-perpetrated-by-females-usa.html
All the male nurse wanted was to be treated the same as the lady who was thanked for moving. He should have been thanked also as this is only fair.
We are all taught stranger danger as kids send in today’s untrusting world it is unfortunate that we can’t even trust a priest or a policeman thanks to media overload on the few that misrepresent their professions honest persona. I empathize with the men that are honest and trustworthy and perhaps in these individual scenarios the matter was inappropriate ly dealt with. There is much scope for education on this matter. Why are there very few male kindy or child care workers? Is it social stigma? I feel that we should be able to trust another regardless of gender in time of need or sit next to a person regardless of gender in public transport….but the reality is we cannot and as a parent if I discovered my younf u accompanied minor was left sitting next to a male I too would be distraught. It is a very sensitive topic and there are healthy argument for both sides of the story so in the end take each case individually and in the matter of a plane flight, the flight attendant is paid to accompany these children so therefore the flight attendant should be keeping close eye on these children…………..what if the flight attendant was male? What then?
Really? I can’t believe that. It sounds quite frankly a daft policy to pursue. One of my own big fears is having to use my skills in the street. I’m fine on placement and the like but out in the street? Despite carrying a few bits and pieces of medical kit around with me it’s still a scary thought that I might need to use them. It seems that people are quite willing to have a right go at those who are simply trying to help using their skills and drills that they have learned from work.
There certainly is an element of suspicion and I think it’s discriminatory. In no uncertain terms would you have been approached by the father like that if you were a woman, nor would you be on the receiving end of the stares from the bystanders. Qantas’ policy has been around for a while. When I was 17 and travelling from Sydney to Brisbane, the man sitting next to me (I was on the aisle) was asked to move. I was embarassed and asserted that the other passenger didn’t need to move but move he did – across the aisle from me. Discrimination, pure and simple but the question is how are we going to change this?
It worries me that all those people obviously were having thoughts about the welfare of that little girl, but noone bothered to come over and see…..
If it’s any consolation, I had a similar experience at a playground with my niece a few years ago: toddling child walked right in front of the swing I was pushing and was bowled over. No sign of any interested adult for the first minute or so, until my niece started crying because I’d stopped pushing the swing to tend to the (unharmed) kidlet. The only difference is that it was mum who rescued her child from me, and she was in the enclosed area, just busier chatting with the other mums than watching – but I got the same cut off “thanks” (frostier, because I was in a posh part of London, so the accent) and suspicious stare, from her and her cohort.