Lots of nurses I know are big fans of TV medical dramas.
Myself, the last thing I want to do after a busy shift in the ED is watch more medical drama unfolding.
Besides, I tell them, it’s totally ridiculoso to see so many dramatic events occur to a single character in a singe department over the course of these TV series.
But then I got thinking…. about how my own life in our department would look as a TV medical drama:
Team ED Season 1:
Episode #1: newgrad nurse Ian starts in emergency department. Asked to go to OT and pick up a vaginal rake.
Episode #7: stuck my head in a commode full of diarrhoea. Wards-men laughing so hard nearly drop bariatric patient.
Episode #8: I’m wrestled to floor by naked lady in hospital shower. Episode banned in US due to excessive soggy scrub-crack.
Episode #10: hospital staff sprung having sex on CT table.
Episode #11: I’m assaulted by gargantuan Russian man, held by neck against wall with tip-toe feet just off floor.
Episode #13: Doctor loses it and walks out into waiting room yelling at patients to all go home as we are far too busy to see them.
Episode #14: assaulted by weird lady wielding fluorescent blue liquid in large syringe.
Episode #23: I eat human brains.
Episode # 24. Cast deployed to Ski resort following major landslide. Spent most of day sitting on tiny weeny chairs in a pre-school library.
Episode # 25. Cover visiting Chinese delegation with blood during tour of department.
Episode #26. Cardiac resuscitation in waiting room. Pt successfully revived and vomits all over everyone. Removed on trolley kicking and screaming. Another pt asks triage if this means they will have to wait longer.
Episode #27. Patient collapses at wedding, ends up having wedding ceremony in emergency department.
Episode #30. Leading character of team ED dies from brain tumour.
Episode #35. Mass emergency services descend on ED to assist in extraction of woman’s hand from meat grinder. Cast of 5,000 with multiple guest appearances by media personalities.
Episode #40. Live grenade brought into ED by mental health patient. Grenade removed and placed in hospital garden by ballsy nurse. Bomb squad arrive. Automatic sprinkler system starts up and soaks bomb squad as they approach.
Episode #41. ED Nurse risks own life talking down jumper from hospital roof (10 stories high).
Episode #42. City engulfed in firestorm. Second largest disaster response in Australian history. Power blackout in emergency department. Pts intubated by torchlight.
Episode #44 Cast members deployed to Phuket following Tsunami.
Episode #45. Best friend and leading character dies from brain tumour.
Episode #46: spray vomit into eyes of paramedics, doctors, nurses and wards-men whilst attempting to use new automatic CPR machine.
Episode #48: Wild kangaroo actually finds its way inside hospital. Chased around by security and nursing staff trying to rescue it.
I’m not making this stuff up. And that is just some of the highlights of Series 1.
I guess on reflection a lot of unbelievable stuff really does go on. You just don’t notice it so much when you are in the series rather than watching it.
Of course, there are a few important differences:
We have a crap soundtrack, and the add breaks are waaaay too far apart. And our cast are much better looking.
So enough about my series…..what about you…if your own career was a TV drama, what would be a synopsis of a few of the season highlights?:
Also fairly comfortable placing a sizeable bet on who the star of Episode #13 was…
Episode #4 Just met a patient, after 5 minutes, he declares his undying love for me. And asks me to marry him. I politely declined the offer, telling him that we had only just met, what would his wife say, and he was old enough to be my Grandpa. Aww bless!
Episode #5 Helping to shower a patient, he managed to get soap in his eyes, lets go of the shower head which turned towards me and it fell to the floor, completely soaking me. Doctors and nurses on the ward start roaring with laughter as I emerge from the patients room wet through. Patient had no idea that he had soaked me. Had to walk around for the next hour slowly drying off.
I think I’ve appeared in a few of your episodes (I may have been a lowly paid, uncredited nameless extra in the background – blink and you would have missed me)… and though I missed Episode 13 (must have been out the night when it was on the telly), I bet I know who it was!
Episode 12. Two people arre at ED at the same time. Woman called ambulance for a stubbed toe and gives the triage nurse evil looks after being triaged and put into the waiting room. Small child driven in by father with burns to face, and intubated with seconds to spare.
Episode 5: Nurse only been on the Ed ward for a few months. Large car accident, multiple victims. Given first ever trauma patient to look after. Told by the nurse in charge to breathe, and do a thorough head to toe exam, starting at the head. Patient alert, drunk and abusive. Stated exam and was checking pupils when went into full panic mode as Left pupil was fixed and dilated. Senior nurse then pops her head back in and states the patient is a regular to ED and I should know she has a glass eye.
Episode 7: Busy Saturday night (full moon) Patient on bucks night, dressed in women’s clothes, falls off bar stool, LOC few minutes, huge Lac to back of head. Patient fails to understand that curtains are not soundproof and proceeds to yell thing like, “No, No you can’t let my father in law in, I’m wearing fishnet stockings and a g-string.” Thoroughly entertaining the whole department and putting smiles back on the faces of nursing and medical staff who are worked off their feet.
Episode 9. Two different ethnic groups get into brawl, madness trying to treat members from both groups in small ED, separated by a nursing station in the middle. Police, the lone security guard and controlled pandemonium.
Episode 11. Known drug addict drives car through emergency ambulance doors.
Episode 25: New Years Eve 11pm, Man shoots at ED with sawn off shot gun.
Episode 35: Super hot summer day. Large Red bellied black snake cooling itself on the ambulance bay doors. Snake catcher called unable to apprehend. Sections of the pathway jackhammered open to catch snake all to no avail.
Goodness me, definitely can’t get anywhere near yours. But when on placement a few season highlights occurred:
Answered a call bell from a pts room, got too close to the bed to find that the pt had urinated everywhere and I slipped right through it, maintaining an upright position and sailed across the room.
A post-op pt was kept in the ward overnight due to having a bad reaction from his surgery, I walked in to check on him, he sat bolt up right, sprayed vomit everywhere which I somehow managed to catch most of it in an emesis bag.
And in the mental health setting I was chased down a hallway by a furious patient, I had a used needle in a small tray, to get away from this patient I had to jump over a couch. Definitely a heart stopper and season finale.