Warning: If you are easily offended, have a weak stomach or not impressed by crass unprofessional practical jokes, best you proceed no further.
For I am going to give you a step by step guide on how to construct your very own fully functional, user friendly hyper-realistic piece of crap.
Once completed the faux-poo will be sure to bring you hours of practical joking enjoyment.
You will need:
Left over bottle of Betadine or similar Iodine based antiseptic. I don’t recommend opening a new one for the procedure as this is not a cheap antiseptic.
Box of tissues.
Kidney dish. Used to mix the ingredients.
You might want to put on a set of gloves as things are about to get a little messy.
OK, first pour a generous amount of Betadine into the kidney dish.
Gather a decent clutch of tissues and marinate briefly. Those really cheap hospital tissues will give the best results.
Squeeze off excess. You don’t want your faux poo dripping wet, but it should look nice and moist.
a well formed stool.
Time to get creative.
Gently roll the wad of tissues between your palms. Mould and form into a stool-like shape.
You might like to opt for that Mr Whippy profile, or perhaps the straight lay and pinch-off is more your style.
I’m quite partial to the lazy-S myself.
You may need to add a little more Betadine to darken the colour.
Make a second smaller poop-ette. Which adds that certain realistic finish.
lay some cable.
So, here is our completed faux poo.
Place in a bedpan and deploy strategically in the staff toilets.
Stand back and listen for the ripples of grossed-out gossip spreading through the department at the speed of sound.
Better still, place on the bedpan in the refrigerator in the staff tea room.
Use your imagination.
Let me know how it goes.