faux poo.
By impactEDnurse • Feb 28th, 2007 • Category: the funnybone.
Warning: If you are easily offended, have a weak stomach or not impressed by crass unprofessional practical jokes, best you proceed no further.
For I am going to give you a step by step guide on how to construct your very own fully functional, user friendly hyper-realistic piece of crap.
Once completed the faux-poo will be sure to bring you hours of practical joking enjoyment.
preparation.
You will need:
Left over bottle of Betadine or similar Iodine based antiseptic. I don’t recommend opening a new one for the procedure as this is not a cheap antiseptic.
Box of tissues.
Kidney dish. Used to mix the ingredients.
You might want to put on a set of gloves as things are about to get a little messy.
assembly.
OK, first pour a generous amount of Betadine into the kidney dish.
Gather a decent clutch of tissues and marinate briefly. Those really cheap hospital tissues will give the best results.
Squeeze off excess. You don’t want your faux poo dripping wet, but it should look nice and moist.
a well formed stool.
Time to get creative.
Gently roll the wad of tissues between your palms. Mould and form into a stool-like shape.
You might like to opt for that Mr Whippy profile, or perhaps the straight lay and pinch-off is more your style.
I’m quite partial to the lazy-S myself.
You may need to add a little more Betadine to darken the colour.
Make a second smaller poop-ette. Which adds that certain realistic finish.
lay some cable.
So, here is our completed faux poo.
Place in a bedpan and deploy strategically in the staff toilets.
Stand back and listen for the ripples of grossed-out gossip spreading through the department at the speed of sound.
Better still, place on the bedpan in the refrigerator in the staff tea room.
Use your imagination.
Let me know how it goes.
impactEDnurse is also known as Ian Miller, a nurse with over 26 years experience working in a busy emergency department in, Australia. This site in no way reflects the opinions of that hospital.
All stories (although based on actual experiences) have been changed to protect patient confidentiality.
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Brilliant! In fact, this should be added to the clinical lab curriculae of all nursing and medical students.
May I suggest a couple more possible planting spots? The administrative suite’s executive washroom is a must, as well as deployment in the medical staff lounge.
Forget the faux go for the real thing. I’m sure that Smudge could help out in locating a few specimens.
One of my colleagues did this with some plaster casting material and betadine then spent the day leaving it in places such as the med room counter and on unsuspecting co-workers chairs. I have never laughed so much. when we came in the next day there was a box of donuts on the breakroom table and he opened it up looking for a sweet treat and instead found a filled up bed pan! Oh, caught by your own practical joke. Priceless.
The charge nurse and I got a patient who was literally 600 (275 kg for you euro-types) lbs, brought in by 2 entire fire crews on a tarp because no stretchers would accomdoate. Sadly for everyone in the department, hospital, and world, he was unable to walk and was having diarrhea, hence his visit. So poor nurse Cecily and I had him turn (he could do that, thank God) and we wiped some serious arse, back, skull, etc for a good 30 minutes.
The next shift, another nurse who was on the previous night greeted us with a cake: White frosting border, a large blue frosting square (to simulate the blue chux pad), and randomly placed extra large-sized Tootsie Rolls. A lovely, tasty ‘Poop Cake’!!
Yes! I am bookmarking this for the next time I work night shift.
Awesome! I shall employ these techniques promptly!
Having been in home care for way too long, this truly makes me miss my days as an ED nurse!
In one wackly ED where I had the pleasure to work, the charge nurse’s favorite trick was to strategically place a urine specimen cup half filled with apple juice and pick it up and drink it all in one gulp (followed by an “ah”) whenever we had students, new employees, new doctors – anyone was fair game! We loved it because we knew it was coming and could focus our attention on the reaction of the unsuspecting butt of the joke. Always priceless. (I should note that the charge nurse knew better than to trust us, he made sure the cup never left his line of sight after he filled it up. Smart guy!)
Love your blog!
I am laughing so hard I am actually crying – this is so hilarious I can’t even see straight! Maybe it’s being up almost 24-hours, may it is post Jazzercise euporia, but I haven’t read anything this good in ages….
I have SO MANY ideas about how to do this……
This is way up there with the open syringe in the coffee…and the miconcies (spelt wrong.. sorry) crystal in the urinal of the bothersome patient. Blue urine stops the complaining very quickly.
ohmigosh, i am falling off my ball laughing. (i sit on an exercise ball whilst web surfing.) i can’t wait to use this one at work!!!!!!!!!
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SWEET!!! This will certinaly be employed, however I plan to make an 8lb poo in a bedside comode for a very unsuspecting friend!
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Oh my lord, why didn’t I read this before last night. Now I have to wait until next week and I’m so excited. I have done my usual post-night shift trick which is to not sleep enough to be ‘normal’ but enough to be functional. In this mentality I almost wet myself laughing at this prank. It’s just the sort of thing we haven’t done for ages on our unit. We use blueys instead of pans (unless they’re an outlier) but the concept of leaving a pan in the staff toilet or in the kitchen is just too funny, I have to have a go.
Thank you!