puppetry of the penis.
By impactEDnurse • Jul 26th, 2006 • Category: the funnybone.He walked into our ED like a puppet out of Thunderbirds. Knees bent, invisible strings flapping his legs up and down in an urgent cadence, whilst above, his pelvis was gliding on a delicate and levelled trajectory towards the desk.
At a glance any Triage nurse worth their salt would know with instant probability that this young man had been engaged in a little getting to know you on the couch with his new girlfriend, when her parents had arrived home unexpectedly. In his haste to get his jeans back on he had shut the gate before the horse had bolted and his foreskin had been caught like a rabbit in a trap.
And of course this was exactly what had happened.
(You see, that’s why they pay me the big bucks, ’cause I can pick the really urgent stuff out from the worried well in an instant. Present before me with a three day history of sore big toe and you can expect a 4 hour wait, macerate your pee pee and it’s Thunderbirds are go!)
With the parents at the door there had been no time for any act of animal liberation. So with his shirt tails out to cover the crime-scene and fine beads of perspiration screaming in Braille on his forehead, he had to engage the parents with some polite conversation about this and about that and excruciatingly about the other before excusing himself and getting the hell out of there.
A quick assessment of the situation in the back of his car and it was evident he had really jammed that sucker in good and bad.
It must have been a long long drive to the ED.
Luckily, as is standard practice in emergency departments, many our staff have completed a course in Advanced Foreskin Extrication Support, (referred to as brain surgery by the lady nurses ) and with a little analgesia and some delicate deconstruction of his jeans his member was recovered more or less intact. He would live to love another day.
impactEDnurse is also known as Ian Miller, a nurse with over 26 years experience working in a busy emergency department in, Australia. This site in no way reflects the opinions of that hospital.
All stories (although based on actual experiences) have been changed to protect patient confidentiality.
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If I hadn’t seen a half-dozen just like this, I’d be laughing my ass off.
He couldn’t unzip it himself? Huh. Count your blessings. It could have been something stuck up his _______.
As a rookie ED RN, I’ve still yet to see this one, but now, at least, I will recognize it for what it is. Thanks.
Haha…and i thought a vibrator up the ass was a good one at triage…that’s really funny…
C’mon girls, have a little sympathy for the poor guy. He’s probably gonna be impotent for days… And I’m guessing he won’t be having his girlfriend dress up like a nurse anytime soon.
Meanwhile, now we’ve ended the debate about the value of circumcision, haven’t we?
A real “something about Mary” moment….
lol @ the thought of the guy making conversation with the parents!
[...] I am talking from experience here. Call the police, call the rescue helicopter, call the priest. ( A case in point. [...]
Guys should always put on under-wear,it is a sure way to avoid showing nurses/doctors the size of ur phallus b’cos it is often time an intresting case-everybody will like to “unlock” d zipper.
Lateef – speaking from painfully gained experience: underwear will not save you from this indignity. Maybe it mitigates the damage somewhat, but it certainly didn’t feel like it at the time. If ever there was a situation in which “haste makes waste”, this is it.
Why do so many babble about a cure? “circumcision” … “underwear” Get real! This is a real problem that really hurts real people. I zipped into myself ONCE decades ago.
Circumcision, by the way, is bullshit. It only seems okay to people who are accustomed to slicing folks up.
Why didn’t they call in a male nurse to take care of it? I would NEVER let a female do that kind of thing.
You women disgust me! You don’t deserve to treat or even see even the ugliest penis on earth, much less the average American penis. Any man with guts or brains would describe his penis problem to the triage nurse, but not show it to her just so he can be laughed at. You have no right to force him to show it to you or to deny him the opportunity to see a doctor. I wish more men would understand that. I know that I for one wouldn’t make myself the butt of your jokes. I know you couldn’t deny me access to a doctor. I dare any of you nurses to try to force me into your immature game. I would put you in your place.
OK just to clear this up. The young man in question was triaged by a male nurse. He was quickly moved to a private area and his foreskin was removed from the offending zipper quickly and (almost) painlessly by a male doctor and a male nurse.
Nobody laughed at him. He was in considerable pain and was treated accordingly. Afterwards he was joking with us about the whole situation (which was not exactly as presented here). His story was de-identified and morphed with stories from other young men who had also found themselves zipped, for your reading pleasure.
Lighten up James, you are amongst professionals here.
I apologize. It sounds like you handled it (excuse the pun) correctly. Unfortunately I hear too many experiences that aren’t handled correctly as yours was.
You do sound like professionals, but when a women triage nurse or other nurses do similar things to a man’s privates then I don’t consider them professionals. To me, being a professional means that they put a man at ease by not forcing him to expose his private parts to a female nurse. Those that do should be caring, respectful and humble as you were.